Writer and Director: Eddie Holmes-Milner
Looking to the great men of history for dating advice is surely a terrible idea; Henry VIII couldn’t exactly sustain a relationship; Mark Antony married a number of times for strategic convenience, and many Presidents and Prime Ministers sought comfort from the travails of political statesmanship with extra-marital dalliances. Eddie Holmes-Milner looks to Napoleon as a mentor and guide for 15-year-old Tim, who, despite a famed affair with Josephine, is hardly best remembered for his skills as a lover. Nonetheless, Holmes-Milner’s debut full-length play poor napoleon! performing at the Old Red Lion Pub & Playhouse pays tribute to the French leader in a 60-minute piece exploring love and identity.
After finishing his GCSEs, Tim locks himself in his room and immerses himself in the life of former French Emperor and dictator Napoleon Bonaparte, crying over his final years in exile and even dressing in a Napoleon-style uniform. When his older sister Katie tries to intervene, Tim confesses a crush on a girl in his history class but cannot find the words to ask her out. Refusing his sibling’s help, Tim starts to imagine what Napoleon would do instead.
Holmes-Milner’s play is impressively ambitious, blending a number of dream and fantasy scenarios within Tim’s confined bedroom existence and the emotional fears that make him feel isolated. And poor napoleon! moves convincingly between these different scenarios as Tim’s mental state becomes increasingly dislocated, not only assuming the bearing and impression of his hero but imagining them in conversation, receiving advice on his modern-day girl troubles as well as journeying back to the past to experience some of Napoleon’s own difficulties as the his war strategy fails – although the phrase “the British are coming” is associated with the American Civil War rather than Waterloo.
And there is certainly some mileage in the creation of a 15-year-old boy uncertain of himself, unable to express how he feels, looking to a strong male authority figure for guidance in the quest for self-knowledge and, ultimately, confidence. The play doesn’t go quite far enough in explaining why Napoleon is the right model for this self-reflection, rather than the more obvious Casanova or similar, nor does it tie together the trajectory of Napoleon’s life with the woes of Tim’s heart. Perhaps if Tim’s dilemma wasn’t romantic but strategic, about standing up to bullies or overcoming any personal qualities and limitations he believes he shares with Napoleon – thus making him an obvious template for the imposing presence Tim wants to be – then the spine of the show would be stronger.
Holmes-Milner’s writing is funny and entertaining, full of the expected references to Napoleon’s height and misogyny (another underdeveloped theme given the potential exploitation of teenage boys by manosphere influencers today) as well as some sharp lines such as “a moth to a jumper.” The cast doesn’t entirely convince as 15-year-olds, but Andrew Greaves certainly captures the confusion of first love and a desire to be known with good support from Sophie Keane and Grace Lyons as Katie and Josephine.
Asking how you make yourself worthy of love is a fair question for teenager drama, but instead of poor Napoleon, perhaps the question is why Napoleon?
Runs until 27 June 2026
