Vampires Rock: Eternal Love – Victoria Theatre, Halifax

Writer and Director: Steve Steinman

Music and Lyrics: Ali Etherington, Steve Etherington, Joseph Gladnikoff, Brendan McCarthy, Niall Mooney, John Parr, Steve Steinman, Steve Womack

Where to begin with Eternal Love: Vampires Rock? Well, probably with the previous show considering it’s a sequel, but the programme doesn’t list the name of that one. The website lists three possibilities, and it’s not clear that having seen it would make a difference anyway.

It’s not that the show is bad exactly. It’s an incredible rock show, with very good original music performed by very talented musicians and singers. But it’s not a very good musical. The plot is something about a vampire Baron (Baron Von Rockula, played by Steve Steinman who seems to collect show credits like other people collect stamps) and his friend Bosley (John Evans, in a show stealing comic turn) who open a diner but also move into a castle. The Baron has a long-lost love who may have been reincarnated in the body of normie Xena Rock-Heart (Claire Zamore) so he decides to make her a goth, sorry vampire, and marry her. Oh, and there’s also four Vampire girls who live and work with the pair and one of them, Medusa (Tanyth Roberts) is in love with the Baron as well or maybe she isn’t anymore. It’s all a bit unclear.

The whole thing feels like an adult pantomime for goths, written and performed by your Dad and his mate after they decided that retirement was too boring and they still wanted to achieve their teenage dream of being rockstars. To call the acting amateurish is an insult to amateur actors everywhere. Evans is trying his best to gurn through the mess of a plot and genuinely raises a lot of laughs. Zamore does a lot of passionate gesticulating to emphasise how confused her character is (you and us both, love). Steinman mumbles his way through, dropping his vampiric accent all over the floor and mugging at the audience whenever the opportunity arises. The script makes jokes, and then explains the joke, and then goes for the cheap laugh of mentioning the city they are currently performing in in a banterous way. All the Vampire ladies are far too young for the Baron, and Roberts looks suitably uncomfortable about her part in any relationship.

Luckily, no one is really here for the acting, they’re here for the music. And that is where the show shines. Every person on that stage has an incredible voice. Steinman is more regularly seen as a Meat Loaf impersonator, and he is channelling that to tremendous effect in the original songs (so much so he often blows out the mic, as was a problem for the late great rock star himself). Roberts is equally wonderful to hear sing, and there is little doubt that she will go on to bigger and better roles, perhaps in Jim Steinman’s Bat Out of Hell where she would make a fantastic Raven. Their duet There’s Something of the Night About You is a highlight. The spectacle of the musical numbers is enhanced by a simple but effective largely projected set (although some of the images looks suspiciously AI generated, but that isn’t confirmed and it’s to be hoped they are not). A spiral staircase allows access to a balcony level set with a massive dread portal, adding a suitably B-Movie Horror feel to proceedings. The costumes (which are uncredited – maybe those are from Steinman as well?) feel like they are taken from a classic rock stage show, with corsets and fishnets for the ladies, and a lot of swishy leather and velvet for the men (although Xena’s wig in act One is atrocious).

So, is it a good show? Well, that’s hard to say. It’s certainly enjoyable, very funny at times, but it’s a little cringe and the plot is so thin you could use it as tracing paper. Maybe if the relationships looked age appropriate or had any chemistry, or the acting was of a higher quality it would improve things, or maybe that’s actually the charm of the entire production. It feels like it desperately wants to be a cult classic, and who knows, maybe it will be in another twenty years. If nothing else, it is nice to see a new musical that isn’t based on a teen movie from the early 2000s or a jukebox from a faded artist. Vampires Rock: Eternal Love may not be a must see, but it will satisfy Steinman’s fans and it knows exactly what it is – campy, schlocky, a little bit crap, and whole lot of rock.

Runs until 15 March 2025