Writer: Maria Telnikoff
Director: Lauren Tranter
The show blurb for Maria Telnikoff’s amiable, if somewhat saccharine four-hander, Eggs Aren’t That Easy To Make, suggests the piece aims for “queer rom-com” territory. In reality, it is difficult to determine which of the various couples represents the love interest, or what obstacles stand in the way of their happiness. Still, the light-hearted and largely tension-free piece has something to say about the practical and emotional challenges faced by lesbian couples in finding suitable sperm donors.
Unconfrontational Claire (Rachel Andrews) and ditzy best friend Dan (Tom Kingman, in adorable puppy mode), who is scared of ducks and plays for a football team called “West London Whippets”, are best friends at university. A drunken club night sees them swear fealty to each other in the form of a promise: “If I’m in a lesbian relationship when I’m older,” says Claire, “I want you to be the sperm donor”.
Fast-forward a decade, and Claire and her sensible schoolteacher girlfriend, Lou (Esther Carr), having decided to have a child, are mulling over the challenges of finding a suitable sperm donor. Sensibly, they eschew the services of a website that promises to filter potential donors on the basis of “dick size”. Dan, who has a job that involves beavers and is now happily paired up with Naomi (Sophia Rosen-Fouladi), loves the idea of being the couple’s “baby daddy” and is all in on “the process of actualising this child”. The only problem is that Claire has forgotten their university promise.
Further complications arise. It emerges that Lou, rather than Claire, wants to carry the baby. Naomi, who is doing a PhD in the oppressive tendency of the patriarchy to compare women to cats, despises the idea of ever having children. That means Dan’s only feasible opportunity for fatherhood lies in donating sperm, something that explains his determined over-investment in the entire project.
Will the quartet find a way to reconcile their various competing interests? Will Claire and Lou be forced back to the dodgy “dick size” website? Will Amazon ever stop delivering Dan’s uninvited gifts of baby clothing and breast pumps? Twists and turns take us from feeding ducks to shopping at Mountain Warehouse, antenatal classes, and a final rainy showdown at Claire’s flat.
Telnikoff delivers some decent jokes and effectively explores the challenges same-sex couples face in establishing boundaries with donor fathers, as well as the impact this process has on donors and their partners (“I feel left behind,” Naomi says wistfully). However, since everyone here is so quirkily reasonable and so resolutely committed to ‘doing the right thing’ by everyone else, the whole thing feels more like a low-stakes sitcom pilot than anything else. One yearns for a little more bite.
Runs until 12 April 2026
