Book and Lyrics: Harry Shearer and Tom Leopold
Music: Peter Matz
Director: Josh Seymour
One wonders who or what Harry Shearer and Tom Leopold are satirising in the impeccably put-together, meta-heavy comedy musical Here Comes J. Edgar! Is it the formulaic Broadway rom-com? Is it golden-age musicals, specifically their penchant for taking real, flawed historical figures and smoothing down their rough edges to fit the era’s taste for simplistic optimism and ‘seeing the good side’? Is it long-time director of the FBI, J. Edgar Hoover himself, one of the most polarising figures in modern American history?
Or is it the kind of hard-right, closeted gay authority figure who enjoys daring freedoms for himself while imposing homophobic restrictions on his fellows? It could be all these things, or none of them. The piece is very funny, has stonkingly good tunes, and top-notch performances all round. But you may end up wondering what the writers are getting at here.
We meet J. Edgar (Broadway stalwart Bryan Batt’s London stage debut is sublime) semi-conscious, close to his demise – the deathbed frame narrative may also be one of the writers’ multitudinous (one might say scattergun) satirical targets. His younger self (Jess Pratley in a first-rate stage debut), dressed as Little Boy Blue, is there to “show me my whole life as one big comedy musical”, or as someone else puts it, “ride the elevator of memory up into the clouds of the past”.
The teenage John, we learn, cannot abide sports, runs a salacious school paper, and hides muscle magazines under his bed. “You were born to gather information”, his proud Mum (Joanna Kirkland sings divinely) tells him. Of girls, the boy confesses, “Some people like the smell and the taste, but I just can’t eat dumplings”.
As a young man, J Edgar enjoys a stunning rise in the Bureau of Investigations, a revelation which cues a fabulous ensemble Broadway pastiche, complete with tap and kick lines, along the lines of “come on G-Men let’s show what we’ve got”. A drive-by with the ravenous movie star Carole Lombard sees J Edgar declare “I’m married to my work”, though underneath he is desperate to “cast away a mask of clay and live my life”, for which read find himself a man with an equally reactionary outlook.
By happenstance, J Edgar falls in love with a younger agent called Clyde Tolson (a gloriously camp Hugo Bolton) on a visit to the gents, proof, if proof were needed, of the subsequent lyric “the land of miracles is just inside the men’s room door”. The writers have a bathroom attendant with an African American accent locked behind a cubicle door; it is very funny, and one supposes a comment on the invisibility of black people in golden age musicals.
This meet-cute soon leads to the proposal “Will you be my lifetime assistant?” Clyde, who sees romance in every promotion, demurely accepts, celebrating his new role by donning a pink jumper and trousers and high-kicking with a black cane. Will the course of true love run smooth? The rom-com formula suggests that trouble lies ahead. Clyde wants kids, or at least a kitten, but J Edgar mainly wants publicity and for his trackside bets to be covered by a dodgy gangster called Tony Clownpants.
Tom Leopold wrote for TV’s Seinfeld, Cheers, and Will and Grace, so it is no surprise to see Here Comes J Edgar packed with impeccable character cameos and fantastic one-liners. Judith Owen plays the crimson-bedecked Lady in Red, a brothel-owner who shops gangster John Dillinger (Simon Anthony) to the feds. A smouldering, breathy bossa nova (or it could be tango) inspired song informs us “after every bank job he comes for a wank job”. Rheuben Khan delivers a rapid-fire staccato JFK, in swimming attire and a rubber ring. Alphie Parker plays a mean-minded Roy Cohn, who accompanies J Edgar, dressed fetchingly in a sequinned blue dress, to a drag ball. This cues the best number in the show, one that includes the lyric “we love being men” or, at least, being men so powerful they can do exactly as they please.
The closest we get to a critique of the political impact of J Edgar’s five decades at the helm of the FBI is a quartet of presidents wondering whether maybe they should have stopped him. In a meta twist, one of many, J. Edgar says, “Would you mind finishing that song outside?” to a testy Ike Eisenhower, whom he is blackmailing. Later he says, “I’m dead, but I’m singing”, acknowledging the absurdity of the show’s entire conceit.
Here Comes J. Edgar! is very funny and has great tunes from the late Peter Matz. One just wishes the satire were more focused and sharp-edged. “Poor old queen”, says the cigarette-smoking nurse when the reprobate finally expires. Is that how we should remember J. Edgar Hoover?
Runs until 16 August 2026
