Writers: Mark Keegan and John Random
Director: Victoria Waddington
With the World Cup about to descend on us, it is perhaps inevitable that the theatre world should turn to football as an inspiration. And so the Canal Café Theatre, host to the long-running topical sketch comedy New Revue, now also hosts a football-themed evening of sketches.
Ostensibly hosted by “actor turned football manager” Barry Mousetrap (Mark Keegan, the evening starts with an admission that its jokes lie very much at the groanworthy end of the spectrum. From describing a 0-0 result as a “bore draw”, to Mousetrap explaining that he developed a taste for literature because it was better than the wife’s cooking, the message is clear: the bar for this sketch comedy show is low.
And yet at times it still feels as if it is unable, or even unwilling, to clear it. Keegan, in particular, has a knack of losing energy just before the arrival of a punchline, as if he is embarrassed about its impending weakness. Even when the jokes are perfectly fine (and certainly appreciated by the generous audience), the lack of confidence in the material shows all too plainly.
Sometimes, the reverse is true. There are segments that are extremely weak, especially the recurring character St Atto, a statistics-obsessed monk. The already unfunny concept is compounded by assertions about Mousetrap’s gag hit rate and audience decibel level. In themselves, there’s no real joke there. Together with declarations of comedic success that are plainly untrue, the segments clearly don’t work. More successful is John Random’s personification of VAR – in this case, a Victorian Assistant Referee – harking back to a more sedate and civil game than modern football is wont to be.
There are several video inserts, some of which might work better if played live to encourage audience interaction. These include a Jane Austen parody that runs on too long with not enough jokes to sustain it, and a segment in which Peter Crouch is played by someone who neither looks nor sounds like him (and is wearing a blond fright wig that makes him look more like Michael Fabricant).
Recurring themes of footballers also being models, and the assumed vanity that goes with it, repeat the same points without really ever going anywhere. Elsewhere, the largest elements of comedy come from plays on existing footballers’ names or the names of fictional character archetypes – neither of which themes particularly sparkles.
It all harks back to a different age, when football managers were overweight men in large sheepskin coats, and Gary Lineker was better known for appearing in crisp adverts than for presenting Match of the Day. From the delivery to the writing, there is a not unpleasant old-fashioned feel to the evening – one that would be more fulfilling if the hit rate cited by St Atto were in any way accurate. There are so many open goals when it comes to the occasionally ridiculous world of football – and It’s a Funny New Game struggles to score.
Runs until 12 June 2026
