Writers: Bertie Watkins, Helena Raeburn and Lowell Bellfield
Director: Bertie Watkins
This parody pantomime of the iconic Bruce Willis film Die Hard is a rare misfire for immersive theatre company COLAB. Dead Hard is more dead in the water, unfortunately. With unfunny jokes and endless scenes from the four-strong cast that lead nowhere, COLAB’s Christmas offering is an undercooked turkey.
Down in its old home in a pub in Elephant and Castle, COLABS’s Crooks 1926 was a truly immersive and exciting take on Peaky Blinders, while The West was an entertaining romp involving cowboys and sheriffs. Both shows gave the audience plenty to do. COLAB’s new venue is based in a tower block near Shakespeare’s Globe. However, the company only seem to have two floors at its disposal; the ground floor reimagined as a hotel bar, replete with a lounge singer, and two empty rooms on the 5th floor. Commendably, COLAB Tower is completely accessible for wheelchair users.
But the new show is dull, with most of it being played on a stage like a boxing ring in one room on the 5th floor with the audience seated on two sides. The acoustics aren’t great, and stage lights on one side of the room often blind the audience sitting on the other. The earlier conceit of splitting the crowd into hostages and hostage-takers is forgotten once everyone assembles into the playing space.
Toby Osmond is Hands, the evil mastermind behind the daring raid to steal millions from Nakablowme Towers. Unimaginatively dressed like Rocky Horror Picture Show’s Dr Frank-N-Furter, Osmond is mildly entertaining, but the sexual innuendos – this is an adult show, after all – are obvious and blatant rather than clever: think inflatable penises rather than shrewd wordplay. Alex Dowding is Willis’s John McClean in an oil-stained white vest. The other roles are shared between Calum Robshaw (who is excellent as terrorist Eddie) and Jacqui Bardelang. The actors work hard, but the script lets them down.
Still, other audience members appear to be having a ball, so perhaps director Bertie Watkins’s show will appeal to some. But there are many more adult pantomimes in London at the moment that are far funnier and far more enjoyable. In comparison, Dead Hard seems a little ramshackle and under-rehearsed. There are only so many laughs that can be mined from stage fights, while one scene that has the cast running around the room to the music from Benny Hill is lazy beyond belief. A skit involving the police’s emergency telephone number is laborious, garnering groans for all the wrong reasons.
When the most exciting part of the show is bumping into people who work in other parts of the building, nothing to do with Dead Hard, it might be better just to watch the original film at home instead, where the only stains on your vest come from mince pies still warm from the oven.
Runs until 12 January 2025
