Wish You Were Dead – Orchard Theatre, Dartford

Writer: Peter James

Adaptor: Shaun McKenna

Director: Jonathan O’Boyle

Detective Superintendent Roy Grace returns for yet another instalment as the uncharacteristically dull Wish You Were Dead makes it to Dartford’s Orchard Theatre as part of its UK tour.

The production is based on a short story by Peter James, who was inspired by a trip he had to a mysterious French chateau many years ago. This adaptation is adapted by Shaun McKenna, who has collaborated with James before on previous, hugely successful and entertaining Roy Grace stage shows, yet this one falls flat, lacking genuine mystery or intrigue from the get-go.

It is a simple premise. Grace (George Rainsford) arrives at a run-down chateau with wife Cleo (Katie McGlynn), baby Noah and their nanny, Kaitlyn (Gemma Stroyan). Set against an incredibly menacing storm, perhaps the only menacing part of the play, the three arrive to find their holiday home is not quite what the brochure had promised, and with no wifi or working phone lines, they find themselves stranded, with just the bizarre housekeeper Madame L’Eveque (Rebecca McKinnis) for company. This show, though, feels unlike previous iterations of the Roy Grace stage shows, lacking the usual sophisticated plotlines and interweaved stories that make these shows typically so thrilling.

Rainsford and McGlynn are admirable in their push of this awkward script which, unusually for a Roy Grace production, makes the detective and his wife almost unlikeable from the start. It is not the performances which restrict the production, but the hostile dialogue, particularly towards the housekeeper, from the characters at the beginning of the play seem a little out of place and mean there is little emotional connection between them and the audience once the play’s jeopardy begins to unfold.

McKinnis is the standout performer of the evening as the initially quite amusing housekeeper L’Eveque. Her mutterings and frustrations offer some light relief during a first half where not much happens, and McKinnis makes good use of the limited script material to get some solid laughs out of the food she prepares for her guests. As the play progresses, McKinnis’ role changes and develops, and the emotional range is there but it is the two-dimensional dialogue which hinders real character development.

Clive Mantle’s role as Curtis is somewhat menacing and it is only once Curtis arrives is there any form of threat or interest in the production. Mantle’s towering figure is a good casting choice and it is through Curtis that the production’s intensity does rise just a little.

The real mystery for Wish You Were Dead lies with the ploddy structure and dialogue which hampers this production. The first half has very little action or intrigue, and while it does pick up a little in the second half, there still is not enough there to capture attention. It is uncharacteristic of the Grace series, which is usually much slicker and polished, as this production is littered with awkward plot holes and contradictions. One particular moment, where a disguise is shrugged off, looks more like a scene from Scooby Doo. Michael Holt’s design of the chateau is eye-catching but even this cannot hide some of the cracks in this show.

If you are looking for a production that does not take itself too seriously, but is also not heartracingly thrilling, then this is a good choice, but if it is the murder and mystery you associate with Grace you want, like the Graces’ choice of chateau, you’d be better off elsewhere.

Runs until 3 June 2023, then continues tour.