We Will Rock You– The Coliseum, London

Music & Lyrics: Queen

Book: Ben Elton

Director: Ben Elton

Is this the real life, or is this just fantasy? This phrase pops up in various guises throughout this jukebox musical built around the songs of Queen, but it’s also a question that ponders in your own mind, and not in a good way.

When We Will Rock You (WWRY) first opened its doors, back in 2002, it received some of the harshest reviews a West End show could receive. So much so that in a reworked opening to the show Ben Elton (who plays the Rebel Leader, Pop, and also wrote the story) comments in his scene-setting introduction that it ‘received the worst reviews in history… and the author wasn’t, in any way, bitter’.

Despite this, the show became the longest-running musical at London’s Dominion Theatre and played continuously for just over 12 years. It’s now back, at the equally large Coliseum for a more modest 12-week run, though it’s unlikely to garner any significant improvement in critical opinion.

WWRY is set in a dystopian future where live music and real instruments have been banned. The youth of the day have had their souls uploaded into a central digital system and they’re numbed by a constant stream of digital entertainment. Earth, now called iPlanet, is run by a mega-corporation GlobalSoft, headed up by the evil Killer Queen (Brenda Edwards), and supported by lead henchman Khashoggi (Lee Mead). They’re hell-bent on getting everyone plugged into their system but a tiny group of resistance fighters, the Bohemians, are fighting to save Rock ‘n Roll.

Into this group of rebels falls two new disaffected youths, Galileo Figaro (Ian McIntosh) and his soon-to-be girlfriend, Scaramoush (Elena Skye). Galileo, it turns out may be the ‘dreamer’, a near messiah who is foretold to save Rock and Roll.

So far, so silly. Yes, the storyline is as nonsensical as many a sci-fi story but if that was its only issue, then it would be forgivable. But it’s far from the only problem. Whilst the story is balderdash, the script itself is lazy. There is so much blatant signposting to Queen songs that it’s embarrassing. Galileo Figaro, Killer Queen, the Bohemians looking for their Rhapsody, crossing the Seven Seas of Rye, and on it goes. Beyond this we get a sprinkle of Elton’s political humour but that does little to save the script.

Worst of all is the crowbarring of songs into the narrative. Typically, a song in a musical aims to give depth to an emotion, progress the narrative or reinforce a narrative point. Here they’re thrown in for no real reason whatsoever.

The production values, as you’d expect from Queen are top-notch, as are the band, who belt out the Queen tunes with the vim and excitement of the band themselves. But that can’t do enough to save this show. Elton, for this production, has taken over directing duties, and appears to have buckled under the pressure of the scale of the show, delivering a by-the-numbers production. This is further let down by heavy-footed and uninspiring choreography and vocal performance that either, in the rockier moments, verges into screaming, or, in the choral sections, sound more like a school choir. Living up to Queen in the vocal sections was always going to be a challenge, but you’d wish they’d given it a decent try.

When WWRTY premiered, Queen as a band was, pretty much dead. They hadn’t found Adam Lambert, they weren’t playing concerts at Buckingham Palace and it was unlikely that you’d ever hear their music live again. In that place, WWRY filled a gap. People were able to forego all manner of nonsense to hear this amazing catalogue of music played live and loud. Now, with the band touring as much as they did in their heyday, you have to ask the question, what’s the point?

With all the resources available to Queen, money, contacts, and a breathtaking catalogue of music you expect better. Much better.

Runs until 27 August 2023